Pissing Off The Universe

I have been reading a lot of religious books and readings about spirituality. I had gotten it in my head somehow that what I did actually forced the Universe to react and cause strife in my life. I read into these “signs” from the Universe as a way to live my life. Little actions created harm in my life and yet despite the things I did that were acceptable to the Universe, I did not have any positive events.

Wishing for good things and making them come true – Isn’t it just as true as some things you wish for don’t come true? I mean if everything you wanted was manifested in your life by a simple and meaningless bout of wishful thinking, Why are these people not famous? I mean they are just this random collection of spiritual “guides” and even some brain scientists attested to the fact that it works. Would we not all know who they are due to their unimaginable technique to create their every desire? Wouldn’t it make at least ONE of them famous?

So I have now seen the flaw in my belief system. I am one with the Universe and because we are the same, as The Great Integrity which the Tao Te Ching declares, anything I do is done to the Universe and myself all at the same time. The deduction from this is that shit happens and no matter how I try to live my life, shit is gonna fuck up.

Let me break that down for a moment…

I wish it were possible to create good things to happen to me by my own actions as described in the old movie “The Secret”. In it, these hacks are talking about the “Law Of Attraction” and how to basically hack the Universe and say that if you dream hard about something, it will come true.

One guy in that movie said the Universe was like a menu you can just select things from and wish for them and you will get them. What the fuck? Seriously? No one would have to work anymore. There would be no poor, downtrodden, sick, suffering, starving, crushed people in existence. I am sure more than one homeless person has been thinking about one good night’s sleep in a safe, warm place with plenty of food more than once in their life. Probably every day. I was homeless at one point in my life and I craved those things myself.

It did not happen. I had to fight my way back to sanity and security. When I was poor, I wished for simple things like a pack of cigarettes or a tire that would remain inflated for more than one day. I wanted a nice apartment and a nice woman to spend my time with. All the wishing and even writing it down did not bring those things about.

You don’t think I used to wish I was not mentally ill? How much better would my life have been if I could just wish this shit out of existence? How much pain and suffering would I have saved myself from?

The thing is that I do not want to change anything in my life. As Eminem says “I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one”
DMX said “To live is to suffer. To survive? That is to find meaning in the suffering”

So you see, life plays itself out whether you wish things to happen or not. Your actions are not meaningless – they do affect the Universe, but not in a logical way. We have all been enlightened by the concept that the flap of a butterfly’s wings in China causes an earthquake in California.

The world is chaos. Nothing we do can change it into something other than that.

I have been married for 10 years and I look at all the times we almost fell apart. What if I had just said one more sentence or yelled louder about this thing or another. What if I had not paid to subscribe and communicate with matches to the dating site after my wife had messaged me. What if I just ignored it? So many times we were in hell, but we made it. I wished for it, but we worked hard for it. We worked our asses off to get to a place where we are finally happy and I am, for the most part, sane and safe.

Willing shit into existence is a fool’s attempt. I used to be very religious. I am Catholic, but not practicing. I think I can honestly say that now. I was, for a long time, an atheist. I read Dawkin’s’ “The God Delusion” and followed the arguments set forth in the book. The other day, I read a book by Deepak Chopra who tears that book apart bit by bit. Dawkins took the most fundamental issues to trounce while ignoring many other factors and knowledge. He was the one using the universe as his menu to pick from.

There are a bunch of atheists out there. You may be one. I do not doubt your conviction nor your belief system. I once held it as my own. All the time in the church – all the religious ed, the camping trips, the church visits, the retreats, the bible meetups – a lot of that made me what I am today. I came from that place.

Fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit. Everything in life you have to work hard for it.