I am reading a book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”.
I am at a point in the book where the author talks about death and our fear of it. The writer explains an encounter with the confrontation of his own death by sitting on the edge of a cliff with a huge drop onto massive rocks and crashing waves. In this instance he realizes the insignificance of life.
He goes on to explain that everything we do is an act to remain relevant after death. It is an interesting point. What are we doing right now that explains this? I am building my website to collect all of my creative work for myself – a reminder of all I have done and a pathway for future endeavors.
I am not saying that I truly do not give a single fuck, but I try to only give a fuck about things that make my life better. I have a mental illness – schizoaffective disorder (a mix of manic depression and schizophrenia). I asked my wife what my purpose in life was. She gave me a simple answer – to stay well.
So I guess my own contemplation of death and the gravity of escape from the pain and darkness of life casts a different shadow on this premise. Do I want to be remembered when I die? What am I doing to keep my life important enough to remain vigilant in my life long pursuit of wellness and happiness?
It comes back to this website. I think about death a lot and how it would be terrible to lose my wife after I have lost my mother at 4 and my father 8 years ago to a massive stroke. I don’t know what I will do. But, if I go first, will this site remain in existence as a memory of me?
I guess I give a little bit of a fuck.